Album Review: Jaeger Wells--Bastard Pop

Jaeger Wells, “Bastard Pop” (0/5)

Bastard Pop: the perfect euphemism for an artist that produces illegitimate offspring off society’s well-loved genre of Pop. Coincidentally, it’s the title of Jaeger Well’s debut EP, and I’ll let you know right of the bat, I sincerely hope it’s his last. Now, don’t judge me as unfair. I gave the him every opportunity to redeem itself; however, Wells refused to comply.

In order to better equip myself for this review, I checked out the Wells' Myspace. Under the his name, the genres are listed as Folk/Pop/Acoustic, which ultimately makes me question the his credibility considering it took me nearly ten minutes to hear any semblance of those genres, and even now I’m being generous. To add injury to insult, listed under their influences are Bruce Springsteen, Jimmy Eat World, and—I can’t believe I’m about to write this—The Get Up Kids. In a way, you’ve got to hand it to him for having the audacity to claim such influence.

Pushing all of this aside, I focus more clearly on the Wells' lyrics. Roughly one minute into the first track “Dirt”, I begin to quietly giggle. Yes, giggle; and here’s why: “Could you hand me my sweater,/I feel the flu coming on.” At this point, I’m pulling my hair out and only wish for this torture to cease. The rest of the four intolerably-long tracks are about as giggle-inducing as the first.

As I finish this review, I feel as if I should find something positive to say. But really, it’s too damn hard and this band blows.